An Open Letter To My Former Mental Abuser

Dear Abuser,

You’ll be angry I called you that, but it’s what you are, isn’t it? Maybe you don’t think so, but I know so. I wouldn’t have before, but that’s only because you had grabbed my brain with the venom in your words and strangled it with your threats.

I don’t know what I was thinking while I was with you. I wish I could say I didn’t regret you, because at least I learned something, but even that would be a lie.

You destroyed me. My brain was clouded with confusion, devastation, and constant apologies I was convinced I owed to you. I thought I was crazy. I thought I was wrong. And I felt sorry for you. Excuse me while I empty the bile rising in my throat at the memories.

The haze that was once present has passed and I can see clearly now, and I’m disgusted with the trust and control I gave to you. The problem is that I don’t think you are. I don’t think you have even begun to grasp the unhealthy disaster that you call love.

So, I’m here to enlighten you.

It wasn’t okay when you called me crazy and made me feel completely and utterly useless.

It wasn’t okay when you demanded I get your permission before I go out with my friends.

It wasn’t okay when you called me a waste of space that messed everything up.

It wasn’t okay when you constantly accused me of being a slut when you were the one who was cheating on me.

It wasn’t okay when you told me you were the only person who loved me.

And it sure as hell was not okay when you convinced me nobody else would ever want me and I should count myself lucky that you’ve put up with me this long.

I wasn’t lucky. I was in my own personal hell that was run by you. And what is the most disturbing part of all of it is I let it happen. I didn’t listen to my friends when they told me who they thought you were. I didn’t listen to my mom when she told me who she know you were.

I was warned. I’m no innocent here, so I won’t claim to be. But one thing I do know, is I’m better than you, and I’m even better without you. You were wrong when you told me nobody else loved me, and you were wrong when you told me I couldn’t live without you. You were wrong for how you treated me and you were so very wrong that you thought you could get away with it.

But you were right about one thing. You were right when you told me I never deserved you.

But that’s only because I deserve better.

Sincerely,

The Woman Who Deserves Better

59 thoughts on “An Open Letter To My Former Mental Abuser

      1. Thank you! Lucky me I am not anymore with him. After 3 years I finally had the courage and the intelligence to leave him. Big wide hugs ❀️ You’ve won a follower of your work πŸ’•

        Liked by 1 person

  1. This was great. Very sorry that you had to experience this but thank you for sharing. I am new to this and am in search of inspiration and ideas and motivation to write and publish more. I am glad I found this post.
    I’d appreciate any writing tips and advice and critique you may have πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

      1. My demons involve others…it was messy…im dying to be open because I think my story can help someone but I don’t want to put others in danger again by doing so you know…sticky situation

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! Completely agree. A lot of women I talk to didn’t even realize at the time that they were in an abusive relationship, myself included. So hopefully if it’s talked about more there will be more awareness.

      Like

  2. Hi there, i found that very inspiring, it is very important to let people know about mental abuse, not necessary only from women point of view, i was going through that horrible period of time. It was hell!!! I really hope you are well now and going strong, as i am still scared to trust a men n general.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you! Yes that is very true. It definitely can happen to a man too. I am very well. It was a long time ago I went through this and I am happily married now to an amazing man. I hope one day you find someone who can help you trust again as well ❀

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Beautiful and heartbreaking letter. I am so sorry you went through this. No one deserves to be treated that way and endure that kind of psychological warfare. I have been through something similar and your phrase “you grabbed my brain with the venom in your words and strangled it with your threats” really hits home. That’s exactly what it is. An abuser will never get it or understand that their kind of love is pathological, but that’s the truth of it. Thank you for writing this letter. I wish you all the best. Much love – speak766

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This is so so so perfectly written. I know how terrible that is because as i read it i felt like you were describing my last relationship spot on. I can say that going through this does make you appreciate people later on that truly do care about you. im so sorry that you had to deal with this. you are wonderful and this post is so strong. thank you for sharing it .

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for reading, and for the kind words!

      I completely agree. I am married to a wonderful man now and I appreciate him so much. He couldn’t be more different from my ex.

      I’m also so sorry you had to deal with your ex. It makes us stronger people though. ❀❀

      Like

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